Identity – The Red Egg

Jeremiah 29:13 “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart”

Starting my walk later than usual, Sheba (my German Shepherd) and I commenced our routine of climbing the cemetery hill. I knew we had missed sunrise and I watched as a jogger ran up ahead of us to the summit. Deep down I felt dismayed. The early hours, the sunrise, the solitude I have found at the peak of the cemetery hill would now be unattainable because I had not left the house early enough. So I turned my attention to the Lord, praising Him, snatches of choruses from my favorite songs echoed in my head as I ascended. The verse I had been ruminating on all week came to the forefront of my mind…it was from Genesis when Eve ate the fruit from the “Tree of Good and Evil”. Adam and Eve were not aware of both “good and evil”. They had always only known God’s best. His perfection. His complete attention. His pristine creation, uniquely melded together with perfect fellowship and idyllic peace. I had always looked at “evil”, never thinking that “good” was less than God intended. It has bothered me all week. The verse in Jeremiah 29:13 came back..”if you seek me…..” and suddenly I realized I was not looking for God in His creation! My mind was elsewhere, distracted with good things but not the best. By this time I was rounding the highest point, knowing I would not see the deer that He always allowed me to be unnaturally in close proximity, especially with Sheba at my side. So I started back down and noticed the “tree”- the brilliant tree from last year- it was drab looking. I took a picture with my phone. I passed by and turned the corner. I realized that I had not truly identified the tree and turned to go grab a leaf to help me solidify its identity. Lo and behold, a 4 point buck was staring at me from underneath the tree. Too late to grab my camera again. I was way too close. Our eyes locked, I stopped, always amazed at how close God allows me to be to his beautiful creatures. I had a few more seconds and then he bounded off. I was so thrilled to have seen him so close yet bummed I didn’t have a picture to remember it by. I continued onward to the base of the tree and plucked a leaf. Wanting to make sure it really was a red maple, the leaf had seven points – of course it did! “7” God’s number of completion/perfection. As I headed back down pondering its meaning and praising God…it hit me! I had taken a picture of the tree before! Was the deer there? Even then? I stopped, found the previous picture (see picture below) and blew it up larger. Yes, there he was, but I did not see him because I was not looking for him. Again, I heard the message…..God said, “I am always here but you must have eyes to see, ears to hear and you will find me.” I am always humbled when He gives me such a beautiful message. He is always there, how many of us get distracted with “good” things or activities and miss the “best” that God has for us. Good and evil are all around us but only when we remember to seek God’s best will we find Him.

Matthew 13:16 But blessed are your eyes, because they see, and your ears, because they hear. deer under tree

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they feel that hollowness in the busyness, the everydayness of life…….and we think, “Isn’t there something more I was created to be or do?” For some it happens early on, for me it is now. I turned 50 in December and the nudges I have had keep getting stronger.
Last week, I was talking to a good friend by phone, ( she has been searching for purpose as well,) and I asked her, “What did you want to do in college? What was your major?” Later on, in return, she had asked me about my degree. I began to tell her that when I was growing up, I was extremely shy and frequently played by myself outside. I loved nature and all God’s animals. I did not grow up in the church and so I had no biblical knowledge at that time but I wouldn’t miss an episode of Wild Kingdom. My dream was to save the animals, which did not have a voice. I thought for sure I would be living in Africa with my safari outfit using my love of photography to do what Merle Perkins did….bring back stories about the animals and bring awareness to their plight. So when I arrived at college, I decided to major in zoology, logically that would accomplish my goal. Well, by junior year, that vision dried up as reality surfaced. I knew my desire did not include being a doctor or vet and that left the research world and constantly looking for grants. All my business friends were on“easy street” with so much time because they did not have all the science labs. So I ended up changing my major to international business with a minor in French (my other love was foreign cultures and travel).

I NOW see God’s hand in every situation. Upon graduation I experienced such regret for my decision because now I would be locked into a cubicle with piped in air and fluorescent lights and no sunshine. (Picture the old time zoos where the animals are caged and pace back and forth. That was me.) See God had put a desire in my heart from birth to be a voice for his creation. Back then I thought it was for the animals, and as I was retelling my journey, I heard God speak to me…..”Same desire, the burden I have given you is for my creation…….the unborn babies that have no voice.” All of the sudden, clarity shined upon my life, God wastes nothing. I may have strayed from the “narrow path”, but He has guided me back when I have detoured. The passage of Cuomo’s baby killing law (I will not grant it its official euphemistic title so as to deceive people that it is anything but that – murder) at the end of January sent me into such states of weeping; the burden is real and I for one am heeding the call. What I did not know was that a month later, a “Day of Mourning” was scheduled for Saturday, February 23, 2019 at the Empire State Plaza convention center in Albany. The event was live-streamed and there were events all over the country. I knew God was calling me to go. And what He said to me that morning was so profound, that it has changed my life forever……

(The book “Calling” is by Jen Tringale and she is an awesome speaker)